


Memories of a Butterfly

by Rayify



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Biphobia, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Depression, During Canon, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Rating May Change, Source Material Warnings Apply, Spoilers, Trauma, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26350759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayify/pseuds/Rayify
Summary: Most people think that this story started in 2009, in April, in the spring. Maybe it did. Perhaps a lot of people saw it that way because that was the moment he had hatched from his cocoon.To Minato, however, it started in the winter of 1999... Back when he was still a little caterpillar.
Relationships: Arisato Minato/Mochizuki Ryoji, Mochizuki Ryoji/Yuuki Makoto
Comments: 26
Kudos: 36





	1. The Orphanage

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Vasaluv for helping me get my thoughts together.

Minato Arisato did not remember the car crash, or his parents’ faces before the life faded from their bodies. He did not remember the monster, or the girl fighting the monster, nor what the girl did to him. Perhaps that is for the best.

But, he did remember how big and full the moon was, up in that green-hued sky - how when he looked up, for a moment, that was all he saw, and then, there were people around him, pulling him every which way, saying and muttering things just out of earshot. These vague shapes must’ve been saying arcane gibberish to weave together some strange spell, because every time they said something, he did something they wanted, without him really understanding the reason why.

So, until his relatives could come by to help him understand, he was put in this grey little box that wasn’t his home, and wasn’t his room, and wasn’t his family. He saw the way the light moved as the door opened before the adult. It was an adult that he didn’t know, and she was telling him that it was time to eat.

“But, my dad didn’t make it.”

The woman gave him a strained smile, and said, “No. But I’m sure that it will be just as good.”

“How do you know that? You didn’t know my dad. You don’t know if he’s a good cook or not.”

Nonetheless, he stood up from the bed that wasn’t his, and trailed behind her, because she seemed to stiffen when he came too close to her side. He didn’t understand that, either.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“Everyone keeps on saying that. I don’t know what it means.”

“You’ll understand someday.”

“Everyone keeps on saying that, too.”

He followed the woman. Why did the adults always talk about his parents as if they knew him? They didn’t know him, nor did they know his parents. What he wanted was so simple, yet everyone around him only seemed to look at him with sadness, or like they were angry at him for saying what he thought was true.

He knew how death worked. While he was eating, Minato remembered what his mother and father told him. It was when people stopped moving, and they wouldn’t move ever again. They wouldn’t send you new years cards anymore, and they wouldn’t call you on the phone to ask about if they were going to visit during the summer festivals. They wouldn’t eat with you, and they wouldn’t tell you how proud they were of you when you told them that you got perfect on a test score.

Like most children, he didn’t really get it at first. It kind of sounded like it was something they would wake up from. After all, even though he sometimes didn’t want to get up early in the morning for school when it was really cold, he still got up anyways.

One day, when he was about four, - so three years ago, now - he saw a black thing in his room, and he was really scared of it. Minato had seen other bugs like beetles before, but he didn’t like the way it scrabbled along the floor and up the wall near him, and too close for comfort. He called for his dad to help, because he was big and strong, and he could take care of anything.

So, his dad came and smacked the thing with one of the shoes he normally wore out of the house. There was some white cream stuff coming out of it, and the black thing was broken, and not moving.

Minato asked him what happened to the cockroach, and his dad told him that he had killed it, and it was now dead. Then, he probed further, asking if the cockroach would wake up again, because death was just a really long sleep, and that meant that the cockroach could come back to scare him at any time. He didn’t want that at all.

His dad told him, ‘no’. The cockroach wouldn’t come back, and he made sure of it. At night, Minato looked in the trash to see the bit of cockroach leg sticking out of the tissue his dad had wiped it up in. He had to make sure it wasn’t waking up again.

His mum was very confused when she saw Minato looking in the bin. He told her that he had to make sure the cockroach wouldn’t wake up again, and his mother just laughed, and told him to go to bed, because he had to go to school the next day.

The cockroach didn’t wake up, as far as Minato knew, which, for him, meant that it _absolutely_ didn’t wake up while he wasn’t looking. It was gone for good.

So, he knew he was right. He’d seen it happen right before his very eyes. Minato had just never thought that this could also happen to his parents, too. After all, his dad was really big and strong, and his mum always knew what was right. Maybe he was wrong about that.

But, he knew for certain that the people he knew now couldn’t possibly know anything about his parents unless he or someone who knew his parents really well told them. Why did they always talk about them like they knew them and they were still here? It made him really mad. His parents were really smart and nice, and all of the other adults around him? They were really dumb, and he hated them. Why couldn’t they be like his parents?

When Minato was done with his food (which wasn’t as good as his dad’s), he stomped back to his room as well as a child could, and slammed the door shut behind him.

* * *

Minato didn’t feel like he was sleeping for a short amount of time, but he woke up early compared to everyone else. He didn’t really know why.

* * *

Someone came by his room and asked him to come out. It was the woman who always said those really weird things. Of course, Minato didn’t listen to her, or the other adults in this grey box, because they were really dumb and stupid, and they were only going to say more things he didn’t understand, because they were wrong, and he was right. Minato said, “Go away.”

“But, Minato-kun, your aunt is here. She wants to see you.”

“No. I hate you.”

There was a sigh from the other side of the door, and then profuse apologies.

“Minato-kun.”

Minato stared at the door, trying to remember where he had heard that voice from before. He slowly walked over, the floorboards creaking under his weight. That was apparently enough for the two of them to know that he was listening.

“It’s your Aunt Hinako. I… need to talk to you about something important.”

“Something important?”

“Yes. But, I want to see you, first. We should talk, face to face.”

“Are you gonna say dumb things that I don’t understand?”

“What kind of… ‘dumb things?’”

“Everyone’s always saying stuff like ‘I’m sorry’ and… I don’t know. It’s like they think they’re better than me. Like I don’t know what’s going on. But, if they weren’t so dumb and confusing, then maybe I would.”

There was a pause. Then, she replied, “I’ll try not to say those kinds of things.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Minato opened the door, and looked up slightly to see his aunt standing in the frame. He sometimes saw his aunt, but only during family gatherings, birthdays, and sometimes on trips, because she lived a bit out of the way, and she was a ‘very busy person.’ She had a daughter, but she was a bit older than Minato. He didn’t feel like he knew either of them very well, but his cousin’s favourite Pokemon was Haunter instead of Pikachu, so he thought that made her pretty cool.

The woman next to his aunt breathed a sigh of relief, and started leading the two of them to another room. Minato looked at his aunt sceptically, wondering if this was all some kind of trick, even if he wasn’t sure that there was one in the first place.

His aunt didn’t hold her hand out for him to hold like his mum did. Minato was glad for that. His aunt wasn’t his mum, after all.

When they got to the room, the woman gave them some tea, and then left. He looked at the tea as if it had offended him personally.

“Minato-kun… How are you?”

“I don’t know. I’m mostly angry at the adults here.”

“Because they’re dumb and stupid?”

“Yeah.” Minato even smiled just a little bit. He was happy that someone was listening to him.

“Well… Then, you already know your parents are dead?”

Minato nodded fervently. “Yeah. They’re asleep, and they’re never waking up. Right?”

“Y-Yes…” His aunt looked away, and breathed out slowly. Her fingers curled into the fabric of her skirt. She wasn’t really sure what to think, now that her brother was dead, and all that was left of him was his seven year old son.

Nonetheless, Minato seemed satisfied by that answer.

“Well, because your parents are gone, someone else has to take care of you, now.”

Minato looked down at the tea that the woman gave him and his aunt. That was true. He didn’t think of that. After all, dad always did the cooking, and mum always drove them to the city to do groceries. He hadn’t done that for the past few days, and he didn’t even realise it. “Like who?” he asked.

“I was thinking… someone like me. If you would be okay with that, I mean.”

He and his aunt shared a long look.

“Aren’t my mum and dad the only ones who can do that?” Minato asked.

“No… Well, not ‘no’, I mean… I won’t be able to take care of you like they would’ve. But, I know that they cared about you a lot, and they would rather have you be safe with someone you knew better.”

Minato wrung his fingers together, trying to hold them still. “I guess…” It still felt wrong to him, but he didn’t know why exactly. It had to be his parents that did that, even though he knew it simply wasn’t possible.

“Do you want to stay here?” his aunt asked.

“No. I don’t like it here,” Minato answered immediately.

“Well, if you don’t come with me, you’ll probably have to stay here. No-one else will take you.”

“Why not?” Minato asked. “Why not Uncle Nanaki, or grandma?”

His aunt pursed her lips, looking very much like she didn’t want to answer that question. “They… It’s complicated.”

“I want to know. Do they not like me? Is it because I said a bad word in front of uncle?” Minato pressed.

“Well… No, it’s not because of that. They just… Don’t like you enough to want to take you in,” she offered weakly, getting the gnawing feeling that that was exactly the wrong thing to say.

“Do you like me?”

“I… I don’t know yet.”

“I don’t know if I like you either,” Minato replied frankly. “But, I don’t want to stay here, so… I guess I’ll come with you.”

Secretly, his aunt was very grateful that he didn’t press his line of questioning further. How was she supposed to explain that they didn’t want to take someone who wasn’t their own flesh and blood? That they didn’t want their relative’s sloppy seconds?

How was she supposed to explain that she was just the one who didn’t argue enough against them to say ‘no’? She couldn’t stop herself once she’d started - that was something Minato’s father had always teased her about - but this was not something she felt she was qualified to explain.

“It’s settled, then. I’ll take you home with me, Minato-kun.”

“Your house?”

“Yes, my house.”

He wasn’t sure that it was his ‘home’ yet.

* * *

His aunt lived closer to Tokyo, not too far away from Iwatodai City, but not close enough that it felt like you could go there all the time.

The car ride back to her house was quiet, and tense, and it made Minato’s skin itch with anxiety. For some time, as he looked out the car window, watching all of the scenery of Iwatodai go by, he thought that he was on a normal car drive with his mum and dad. There were all of these familiar, squat brown houses made from brick, and though they were a little odd to those who weren’t from the area, they were very normal to Minato. Those were _his_ buildings that he knew so well.

They had stopped at a Seven-Eleven to refuel, and he had even asked politely if he could have a cup of seaweed Jagariko from the store, like he always did. His aunt came back, and gave him the cup in a little plastic bag. He said ‘thank you’ and tore it open, and stuck one of the sticks in his mouth as the engine started.

As he bit off a piece of it, and his aunt drove further out of the gas station, he slowly started to realise that the scenery was starting to change, and not in a good way. The brick houses were giving way to more and more different houses - pretty little two-storey buildings with big fences stretching outwards to wall them from the outside world. He had seen them before, but now, Minato decided that he hated them. They weren’t _his_ buildings.

He wasn’t even hungry anymore. His fingers were covered slightly with oil and salt, and there was an occasional ‘snap’ sound that wasn’t him crunching up the Jagariko sticks.

Minato shifted to look behind the car as the city that was his was slowly starting to fade from sight. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to go back home, where his mum and dad would be waiting. But, they wouldn’t be waiting. Because they were gone, and they were gone for good, and now, he was in this strange situation with a relative he barely knew, going to a place and a house that definitely wasn’t his.

When his aunt looked over in the mirror, for a moment, she saw the cup knocked over and crumpled in on itself next to his leg. Almost all of the Jagariko sticks in the cup had been broken into quarters and thirds, apparently without Minato having even eaten most of them.


	2. Arriving at Auntie's House

Tokyo was different. The quiet of the seaside town was gone, instead replaced with a vague buzz and rumble, and the sound of trains screeching in the distance. The apartments and buildings loomed over him, painfully bright, and flashing with tons of colours from the ads on the electronic billboards. Of course, this was not Minato's first time here, and none of this kind of environment was completely new to him, but it did make him realise that he had no idea how anyone could live comfortably in a place like this.

He didn't see as many cars either. Well, there were lots of cars, still, really. It was about how many cars there were in comparison to how many people were out and about. Everyone else was getting by on foot, or on their bicycles. And they were walking _really_ fast.

Sometimes, when he was going out with his parents, they would stop to talk to their neighbours for _forever_ about stuff he really didn't care about like the weather and what the government _wasn't_ doing, before they actually got going. It appeared this was not the case here. Everyone wanted to get to someplace, and they wouldn't stop for anything. It was at once a relief, and… well, Minato wasn't sure how to describe it. He just knew that something about this made him uncomfortable.

He was just glad that his aunt didn't live in the absolute busiest parts of Tokyo. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to last there.

They finally pulled into the driveway. Antsy from being cooped up, Minato eagerly got out of the car, took a deep breath of fresh air, and looked around the house. His aunt's house was one of those two-storey ones, with a wall around it. There was a very small garden enclosed within it. Minato would even call it _tiny_. As far as he could tell, this same house was surrounded by ones in a similar kind of style.

"Come on, Minato-kun. Don't you want to say 'hello' to Hamuko?" his aunt asked him. "I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you."

Minato, in fact, did want to say 'hello' to Hamuko. "Oh, okay." He followed his aunt up to the front door.

"I'm home, Hamuko! Minato-kun is here, too!" she called, while opening the door.

There was the sound of sock-covered feet slipping on polished wood, and from beyond the vestibule, an excitable girl slid into view. "Welcome home, mum! Hi, Minato-kun! It's been a long time!"

Minato was initially taken aback by her energy, as he often was when he hadn't seen his cousin in a long time. "Hi, Hamuko-san."

After taking his shoes off, she approached and asked, "Wanna see your new room? I helped cleaned it up and everything, so you know it's gotta be nice. Or we can do something else. Sorry, I'm just really excited to see you again!"

"Ah…" Minato glanced over at his aunt, who just smiled and nodded weakly. There was no stopping her daughter once she was set on something. "Yeah, I wanna see my room, if that's okay."

"Of course! C'mon!" Hamuko ran upstairs, only poking her head back down from the upper level to see if he was following her. He was, albeit at a slower pace.

Once he was with her, Hamuko opened the door into what used to be one of their guest bedrooms with a grand flourish. "Ta-da!"

By most accounts, it was an ordinary bedroom - it had a bed, worktable, a small, low-lying dining table, closet. It was very neat, too. Minato could at least appreciate that. And yet…

"Oh, and all of your things are in that box. If you want help unpacking them, I can do that," Hamuko said, pointing to the delivery box in the corner. She turned back to face Minato, who was not as excited as she'd hoped. "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. The room's nice, thanks." Minato did really think that, but there was something off about it, and he wasn't sure what.

Hamuko blinked. She wasn't sure what to make of this reaction. "Do you not like the room? Oh, did I overdo it on making everything neat? Sometimes I do that! I'm sorry."

"No, it's not you." Minato crossed his arms. "It's just… It feels really different to my old room. Like…" He looked at the placement of the furniture. Well, really, the furniture was different too - no, it was too different overall. But he couldn't change the room. That would be too much work, and he didn't want to talk to his aunt about it and cause more trouble for her. "I don't know."

Hamuko was only two years older than Minato and she'd never lost anyone really close to her. It wasn't that she wasn't close to Minato's parents, of course. It was just that it would be difficult for anyone who hadn't personally gone through this kind of loss to well and truly understand how this would affect her cousin. She just knew that she wanted to make him happy, so that was what she was going to try to do. "Well, if it feels different, then we just need to make more of it the same! How could we make it more like your old room?"

"Um… The bed should be over there, and…" Minato started to point out where things should've been.

There was a bit of a ruckus as Hamuko and Minato teamed up to move the furniture.

His aunt popped upstairs, worried about the noise, but she quickly breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the two of them getting along. As long as they weren't getting hurt, she supposed it was fine.

Before she could leave, Hamuko yelled, "Mum! Could you help us move the bed? It's too heavy!" She apparently wasn't aware that her mother was nearby.

She shook her head - Hamuko had quite the pair of lungs for someone her size. "Right, right."

And, finally, things were how Minato wanted them.

"Thank you, mum!" Hamuko said.

"Yeah, thank you," Minato added.

"You're welcome. Also, we're having katsudon for lunch. It's not done yet, but maybe in another twenty minutes," his aunt informed them.

"Oh, yum! I can't wait," Hamuko said.

Minato nodded slowly, considerably less enthusiastic.

Satisfied with that, his aunt left.

On a mission, as ever, Hamuko turned back to Minato and said, "I guess we should also unpack what's in that box. Maybe that'll also help with making the room feel more. Like your room."

Minato nodded, and the two strode towards it. Hamuko ran to grab a pair of scissors, so they could undo the tape covering it. Inside was Minato's clothes, toys, and other belongings. The two quickly set about emptying the box, and putting things away.

"Oh. I don't know where to put this," Hamuko said, looking at Minato's multiple sets of primary school uniforms. "Cuz if you're staying here, I guess you're gonna be going to my school."

That hadn't really occurred to Minato. The past few days had been kind of fuzzy. He wasn't even really aware that he hadn't been going to school. Now that Hamuko had brought it up, he had a weird feeling in his stomach. "I forgot about that. I don't think I went to school for the past few days."

He had left behind not only his old school, but his friends, too. He didn't even really get to say goodbye to any of them. No, he would have to get used to a new school, new teachers, and try to make new friends right away. Minato didn't like the thought of that at all.

"Wow. I wish I didn't have to go to school! Lucky," Hamuko said. "I'll put these on the table, and I'll ask mum about them later."

"Okay."

After a while of putting things away, Minato managed to dig out one of his most prized possessions. He was pretty bored after doing all of that work, so he quickly unzipped the pouch containing his Game Boy Colour, and booted it up. Pokemon Green was loaded into it.

"Oh, can I see?" Hamuko asked. Without giving Minato a chance to respond, she was already next to him. Minato didn't mind.

"I'm gonna go into the Pokemon Tower, now," Minato said.

"Oh, cool! You can catch a Gastly or Haunter here, if you have the Silph scope."

The two of them sat down on the newly moved bed, and Hamuko watched Minato play. He swept through his rival's team with a level 39 Blastoise and a level 20 Pidgeotto.

"Wow, you have a Blastoise already? What other Pokemon do you have?" Hamuko asked.

Minato wordlessly opened up his party menu so she could have a proper look. Aside from his Blastoise, his other four Pokemon were around the same level as his Pidgeotto.

"Haha, what's up with that level difference?" Hamuko asked.

"Blastoise is the king," he replied, explaining everything. Hamuko just laughed, and Minato felt like he was being made fun of, so he saved the game and shut it off. "Why're you laughing?"

"I don't really know," Hamuko admitted. "Just hearing you say that so seriously, I guess?"

"Well, it is serious," Minato muttered. He slid his Game Boy over to his bed's pillow, and then went out of the room.

It took a moment for Hamuko to process that she was being left behind, and she didn't really understand why, or why he was apparently so upset. What did she do wrong? After a moment, she followed him back downstairs.

Hamuko saw him stood at the vestibule, looking at some framed photos atop a wooden cabinet. He didn't notice them when he first came in, because she tore his attention away pretty quickly. He reached up to one of them, and saw him, mum, dad, Hamuko, auntie and uncle standing together in front of a shrine.

It was the same one on his dad's bedside table.

"Um, Minato-kun? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad," Hamuko said.

He rubbed his eyes with his arm, and then looked up at her. "I know. Sorry."

"Are you crying?" Hamuko asked. "I can get the tissues!"

"No! I'm not crying!" Minato said stubbornly, before turning back to the picture. He couldn't be crying, could he? But his eyes were stinging, and his arm was wet. There was a bit of water on the glass, too. He had to be, right? But that wasn't like him.

After all, it was just a picture of him and his mum and dad, and his cousin, auntie and uncle. They were all smiling, and dressed in yukata at one of the New Year's festivals they went to together. He'd pestered mum into buying some takoyaki, and Hamuko was trying and failing to catch anything at the goldfish scoop game. Uncle was trying to supervise Hamuko, but she had far more energy than he did, and they lost each other in the crowd a few times. Everyone teased auntie because she got a really bad fortune, and dad helped Minato in reading his own fortune, because he didn't know a lot of the kanji that was used on it.

Why? Why was this making him feel worse, even though all of those memories were happy?

He didn't understand. He didn't understand any of this, and he desperately wished that he did.

"Minato-kun…"

He turned, and saw his aunt, and Hamuko standing just behind her, looking worried.

"What's wrong?" his aunt asked.

Minato answered, "I don't know." He shook his head, and put the photo back on the cabinet. "I don't know," he repeated, looking her in the eyes.

"Do you want to eat? Maybe you'll feel better," she tried to soothe.

Minato sniffed, trying not to frown through his face's uncontrollable twisting. "Maybe."

"Come on." His aunt smiled, and beckoned him into the dining room, but something didn't quite feel right. He trudged after her, Hamuko still looking uncertain. Just as he made eye contact with her, she also smiled, in the same way her mum did.

Minato sat down next to the seat he knew Hamuko usually sat in, and looked down at the food. It was katsudon, as his aunt had promised.

Hamuko followed suit not long after, and said "thanks for the food!" before eagerly digging in. His aunt chuckled a little at Hamuko's enthusiasm before doing the same.

It smelled good. Savoury, with the slightest hint of sweet together, and the telltale scent of fried food. "Thanks for the food," Minato said. He bit a piece of the pork cutlet with a section of egg and onion, and then took a bite of rice.

This was not his first time tasting this, but it was only now that it hit him: It was exactly how his dad made it.

"It's really good," Minato said, looking at his aunt.

"Of course it is! Mum's awesome," Hamuko agreed.

"I'm glad you like it. There's enough for seconds, if you're still hungry afterwards," his aunt said.

Minato just nodded, and went back to eating. He was happy. Auntie was really good at cooking. Just like his dad.

Just like his dad.

He kept repeating that thought as he ate, trying not to cry some more. Minato didn't want to cry anymore, especially in front of his cousin. He must've looked really uncool earlier. But, it was hard, and he could feel himself trembling against his will, even though he was happy. Wasn't he? Surrounded by smiling faces, he tried very hard to convince himself of that.

Eventually, Minato finished his bowl. Even though he really liked it, and he usually asked for more when dad was making this, he wasn't hungry enough for seconds after all.

"Can I help with the dishes?" Minato asked.

"Oh, no, Minato-kun, you don't have to do that," his aunt said.

"Yeah, that's my job!" Hamuko said, turning up her nose proudly. "Oh, maybe we can do it together?"

"I want to do it myself."

Hamuko's brow furrowed. "Why? It'd be faster if we did it together."

"Because." Minato had a reason - he really did. He just didn't know how to say it.

Hamuko opened her mouth to protest, but her mother interrupted before she could. "Hamuko, maybe just for today? Besides, you've been doing a lot of work. Maybe you can set up something for you and Minato-kun to do while he's doing this?"

"Hmm… Okay." Hamuko was disappointed, because she was usually the one that helped her mum, but if she was saying it, there had to be a good reason. With that in mind, Hamuko ran off towards the lounge.

That left Minato and his aunt to clean up afterwards. He piled the dishes into the sink while his aunt dried. Minato then started washing up. It was a silent affair, only filled in by the the clinking of plates and running water.

"Thank you for your help, Minato-kun," his aunt said.

"It's nothing," he replied. "I used to help dad like this, so it was really easy."

"Hamuko does the same for me. Maybe you two should team up on this by yourselves. It would help me out a lot," she said, half-joking.

"Maybe." Minato looked away briefly. "Um, I don't mean that I don't want to help. I just… I don't know. I like doing this. It might feel weird doing it only with Hamuko-san."

"I understand. I just want you both to get along. She likes being helpful too, just like you. So eventually, you'll have to make room for her, too," his aunt said.

"I know." Minato looked down at the floor awkwardly. This conversation was over.

"Alright. Now, go on and play with Hamuko."

"Okay." Minato left the kitchen, and, finally alone, Hinako let out an extremely tired sigh.


	3. Snakes and Ladders

"Hamuko-san, you're here, so there isn't school today, right? It's Sunday?" Minato asked her. The two of them were playing snakes and ladders.

"Yup!" Hamuko nodded fervently. "Why? Did you forget what day it was?"

"Kind of… But, I was also just wondering where your dad is," he said.

"Oh." Hamuko stopped as she was about to roll the dice. She frowned for a moment, but the slight crease was gone almost as soon as it came, fixed back into a smile. "Dad's just really busy. He works really hard." When she rolled the dice, she got a six in total, and moved her piece forward.

"Really? Even on Sunday, the best day?" Minato questioned, while taking the pair of dice.

"Yeah, sometimes! But, not always. Maybe he's working and being with his work friends more because it's getting close to the holidays."

"Oh. Yeah…" Minato trailed off. He knew it was December, but he didn't realise how much time had passed. It was almost Christmas time and New Year's. He still found it strange that Hamuko's dad was working this much though. His mum worked a lot, but even she always stayed home on Sundays and on holidays.

He got snake eyes, and landed on the head of a snake, sending his piece back to the lower third of the board.

"Ugh, this is stupid," Minato muttered, glaring at the dice.

"Yeah, you got some really bad rolls," Hamuko agreed. "Maybe I should put them in the dice jail. That's not very fair."

"Yeah."

Hamuko got up and came back with a jar whose bottom was filled with salt. Minato dropped the pair of dice they were using into it, and closed it. He shook it a bit - they both agreed that it helped with punishing the dice, since the salt would spread more to help purify them.

She showed Minato another pair of dice she had also gotten. "Okay, hopefully these ones are better!"

Unfortunately, Minato's luck did not turn around. When Hamuko approached the finishing square, she rolled one greater than the number she needed to land on it, so she moved her token on the square, and then one back.

"Why did you move your token one square back?" Minato asked.

"Cuz that's the rules. You have to land on the finishing square exactly," Hamuko replied.

Minato's brow furrowed. "When I play this with my mum and dad, if you more than the exact number, you just won," he said.

"Oh. I see. But, that's kind of weird. Why are you complaining about getting more chances to win?" Hamuko asked.

"Don't make fun of me," Minato said. "You won, and I lost."

"I'm not making fun of you."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

"Yeah, you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

Minato stood up and stormed off upstairs, to the room he was given.

Hamuko looked on speechlessly. She didn't understand. Did she do something wrong again? He was getting really upset over all of these little things, and it wasn't like him at all. She curled up in on herself, and buried her head in her knees.

She wasn't crying though. Hamuko knew that this would all pass, and he would go back to being happy and smiling a lot, like before. She just needed to be strong enough to get through this. So, Hamuko took a deep breath, even though her eyes were starting to sting, and resolved not to cry.

Her mum came into the room, and saw her daughter balled up, without Minato. She heard Minato stomping away, so she wanted to check on them. "Hamuko, what's wrong?"

Hamuko looked up at her mum, lip trembling, but definitely not crying. "I don't know… I don't get Minato-kun. He's so…" She shook her head, not knowing how to put any of this into words. "I didn't do anything wrong, did I? Cuz if I did, I want to fix it, and then we can be happy again."

"Oh, Hamuko…" Her mum placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder before moving to rub her back gently. "Minato-kun's going through a lot. So, he might be different to what you're used to."

"Cuz of auntie and uncle?" Hamuko asked.

Her mother nodded.

"I guess so… But, he still kind of seems like he's being really upset for no reason. Is that really because of that?"

"Well, what did he say, exactly?"

"We were playing snakes and ladders, and he got really mad because one of the rules was different. I thought he would be happier, cuz he could've still won, but he said that I was making fun of him. I said I wasn't, and then he went upstairs," Hamuko explained.

For all her kind words, Hamuko's mother was in a difficult spot. She didn't know what exactly was going through Minato's head, but she could take a guess from how he was at lunchtime. "I think it's that Minato-kun's very used to how things were when he was with his parents. So, he would like things to be the same as what he's familiar with."

"But… That seems really sad. Minato-kun's parents are gone, aren't they? And we're not his old family. So, of course things aren't gonna be the same," Hamuko said.

"I think he knows that," her mum replied, "but he probably really wants things to go back to how they were used to, deep down, anyways."

"How do you fix that?" Hamuko asked.

"I don't know," her mother admitted.

Hamuko unfurled from her position, and got up to full height. "Then I have to give it a try."

"Wait, Hamuko—!" Her mum grabbed her hand before she could sprint off. "I think it would be better if you left him alone for now."

"Why?"

"Just trust me, okay, Hamuko? I know it's hard to see your cousin like this, but it's all the more reason to be smiling when he's ready to accept our help."

Hamuko stared at her mother, still feeling the itch in her legs that wanted to take her to her younger cousin. However, she knew that mum knew a lot more than she did. Maybe mum was right. "Okay…" She sat back down, and let out a big sigh. "It really is hard though, mum."

She put her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "I know, Hamuko. I know." Hamuko was still for a moment, and then she crawled into her mum's lap, and wrapped her arms around her, and her mum hugged her back.

Hinako knew well, because she wasn't really sure what to do to help Minato, either. She was completely out of her depth, and she didn't know at all.

* * *

Minato curled up under the bed sheets, and played Pokemon Green on his Game Boy. Even as he kept playing, the pangs in his chest never quite subsided, even though he still felt like he was right.

* * *

Later that day, a dishevelled man opened the door to the house. As he called "I'm home", Hamuko came sprinting up to the vestibule with a bright shine in her eyes.

"Welcome home, dad!" she said.

"Ah, thank you, Hamuko," he replied.

"Of course! Oh, and Minato-kun's here now, too," she added.

Minato - his wife's brother's son. Today was the day, wasn't it?

"That's nice," he said. "Where is he?"

"Upstairs," Hamuko answered. "Are you gonna go to see him?"

Mamoru still didn't quite understand why Hinako was so insistent on taking the boy in. After all, she should've known the cost. He supposed that the cut their family got from his brother and sister-in-law's will would help to keep their family afloat, especially now that Minato was going to be a part of it, but it was still a bit of a reckless decision.

"I will, soon," Mamoru reassured.

Hamuko nodded fervently. "I can make you some tea, if you want, dad?"

"Sure, Hamuko."

With that, Hamuko bounded off towards the kitchen.

He went into the lounge, meanwhile, and quickly slumped into the couch, letting himself sink into the pillows.

After a moment, Hinako arrived from upstairs. "Welcome home, dear," she said. "How did the meeting go?"

"Fine, I guess." He didn't speak more than that, and closed his eyes briefly. It wasn't really productive, after all. As soon as the others stopped discussing company projects and moved on to the booze, he skipped as soon as it was appropriate. The others might've thought less of him, but even he knew not to get hungover when there was work tomorrow.

Hinako sat down next to him and kissed him on the cheek. "Well, I'm glad you're home," she said.

"Same here," he said, smiling ever so slightly. "How're things here?"

Hinako grimaced. "Well… Better than I expected, but still quite tough. Minato-kun's going through a lot, so it'll probably take a while for him to adjust."

"Yeah. It's different losing your parents when you're a kid than when you're an adult," Mamoru said. "Are you still sure this was the right thing to do?"

She felt a gnawing in her stomach, because of those nasty second thoughts. "That remains to be seen. I think things will get better in time."

"Well… Don't push yourself, Hinako," Mamoru urged.

"I won't. After all, you have a lot to worry about, too," Hinako pointed out.

"Yeah. But, really. I hope this isn't just because your mother coerced you into doing this," he said. "Sure, I know Nanaki-san would've been the other choice, if it wasn't her, and we both know how both those would turn out, but… doing nothing is also an option."

"Leaving him at the orphanage, you mean?"

Mamoru nodded.

"You know what those kinds of places can do to children, Mamoru. I went there to see him and it looked like such a horrible place."

"I know. But, if push comes to shove, and we can't handle this, then there isn't much we can do. You might just have to accept that you can't do everything your mother expects you to."

Hinako covered her mouth, in some vain effort to hide her frown. Oh, she knew Mamoru was right. Maybe it _would_ turn out that things were way over her head.

"I'm sorry. I just… I want to be realistic. That's all. I care about Minato-kun, too, but…"

"Yes. Yes, you're right," Hinako agreed. "For now, we'll just have to hope things won't come to that."

Mamoru let out a sigh. Hinako was being stubborn, and he knew she was quite justified this time, but he couldn't hide his misgivings. "Alright."

"Mum, dad, I made some tea!"

Hamuko entered the lounge, and proudly set down two mugs on the coffee table.

"Oh, you didn't have to, Hamuko, but thank you. You've been very helpful today." Hinako smiled at her, and took one of the mugs.

Hamuko beamed at her mother, and then eagerly turned to her father.

With a big exhale, he reached out from his pillow-y confines and took the other one. "Thanks, Hamuko." He took a sip, letting the hot liquid open up his chest. Mamoru obviously didn't know how much he needed something like this until now. "That hit the spot."

She just laughed, clearly delighted. "I hope you feel better, daddy!"

Hinako took a sip from her mug, feeling a little relieved. Hamuko was growing up to be very kind. She knew that what they had wasn't perfect. Mamoru was always tired, and overworked, so it was very difficult for him to spend a lot of time with her, or Hamuko, but she knew he did it all for their sake. Hinako hoped that Hamuko would soon come to fully understand that kindness, even though she often felt disappointed when he couldn't stay.

Now that Minato-kun was also here, Hinako knew there was another piece of the puzzle that she and the rest of her family would have to try and find a place for. She only hoped that time would be sooner, rather than later.

"Well, I suppose I should get started on dinner," Hinako said, standing up, mug in hand.

"What are you making? Can I help?" Hamuko asked.

"I'm thinking curry this time. You can help me peel the veggies, if you'd like?"

"Yes!" Hamuko pumped her fist. "But, what about Minato-kun?"

Hinako hummed a little in thought. "Dad, maybe you should say 'hello' to Minato-kun?"

"I should do that, yeah," Mamoru agreed. "After I finish this tea."

Hamuko's face lit up once again when her dad mentioned the tea.

"Alright. Just try not to get trapped in the couch again," Hinako jibed lightly.

"Yeah, yeah."

With that, Hinako and Hamuko left the lounge. Just out of earshot, he could hear Hamuko questioning Hinako about him getting trapped in the couch. In his defence, it was a good couch - worth every yen.

* * *

After a while of playing video games, Minato had fallen asleep. He stirred slowly when he heard the knocks against the door, and it took him a few moments to recognise the voice that came from beyond it. "Minato-kun?"

"Mm…?" Minato reluctantly left the warm confines of his bed, and opened the door to see his Uncle Mamoru standing in the frame. "Hi, uncle…" He let out a bit of a yawn.

He looked across and saw the messed up bed behind Minato. "Sorry, I guess I woke you, huh?"

Minato just shrugged. "When did you get back?"

"Not too long ago," his uncle replied. "How are you going?"

Minato shrugged again. The bad feelings that had been welling up in his gut had died down while he was napping. "Okay, I guess."

"That's good to hear."

Minato wasn't particularly close with his uncle. It wasn't that he didn't like him or anything, of course. It was just that uncle didn't usually talk with him that much, so neither did Minato. He knew he was nice, and his mum and dad talked with uncle more than anything, but he didn't know him well beyond that.

"Also, we're gonna have dinner soon, so make sure to come down in a few minutes, alright?" his uncle added.

"Okay. Is it curry?" Minato asked.

"Yeah."

Minato just nodded and went back to the bed. As he pulled his legs under the covers again, and his uncle looked like he was just about ready to leave, Minato asked, "What were you doing today? It's Sunday, isn't it?"

"Ah, I was having a meeting with some of my co-workers," his uncle replied. "Why?"

Though he had every reason, Minato just said, "No reason. Just curious."

"I see. Alright, well, I'll see you soon," he replied.

Minato was left alone once again, this time, with the nagging realisation that there was no way that his aunt and uncle could replace his parents, and that everything they said, and everything in this house that wasn't his served only to tell them apart further. He now knew for sure his uncle would never be like his mum. Even knowing that, however, Minato was too tired to get upset, or to even cry.

Instead, he just felt empty, and hollow.

The feeling filled him up so high, it felt hard to breathe, and then seemed to come and go just as quickly as it first came. After a few minutes, he decided he needed to go and eat.


	4. Nuisance

The next day, Minato woke up early, before his alarm even went off. Instead of reading seven AM like he had expected, it read quarter past six.

He curled up, and tried to go back to sleep, but eventually realised he was far too restless. Minato reluctantly got out of bed, shivering a little from the winter morning cold, and pulled a blanket around his shoulders so it was more bearable. He stood in place for a while, and glanced around his room, feeling uneasy. The view outside the window was still dark.

Eventually, Minato shuffled downstairs. He followed the sounds of cutlery to the kitchen, where he saw his aunt preparing some food to be put into a cute bento container.

Feeling groggy still, Minato didn’t say anything as he pulled himself into a chair. The scraping of its legs caught his aunt’s attention, instead.

“O-Oh!” She spun around quickly, and took a deep breath once she saw who it was. “Good morning, Minato-kun. You’re up very early.”

“You are too,” he pointed out.

She explained, “Yes, I have a lot of morning chores to do.”

“What’s happening with school?” Minato asked.

“You’re not going to be going to school for a little while,” his aunt answered. “Your uncle and I still have some important things to do before that, but, after the New Year’s celebrations are over, you’re going to be going to Hamuko’s school.”

“Oh.”

The two of them stopped speaking for a moment, apparently not having much else to say, or perhaps feeling awkward about continuing.

“Why are you up early?” his aunt finally asked.

“I don’t know. I woke up on my own,” Minato replied.

“You don’t want to get more sleep?”

“Can’t.”

“I see. Are you hungry?”

Minato paused to think about that. “I guess.”

“There’s some rice in the rice cooker,” his aunt supplied. “The miso soup isn’t quite ready yet, though.”

Minato said nothing, and, draping his blanket over his head and shoulders, picked up a small bowl and went over to the rice cooker and fed a small paddle-ful into it. When he sat back down, he poured some fish flakes on top of it, and, after a brief mix, started slowly picking small chunks of rice off the mound.

He wasn’t sure why, or if it was just because he felt tired, but Minato ate each bite slowly, and mechanically. It would’ve tasted good to someone else, but right now, it felt like lukewarm, wet, porridge-y mush, however insistent his stomach was.

The kitchen was filled with a vaguely uncomfortable silence, only interrupted by the clinking of chopsticks, a rumbling pot, and his aunt’s knife cutting some vegetables. Minato counted how many bites it would take to finish his rice.

“You won’t have nothing to do, Minato-kun,” his aunt finally said. “You had to miss a lot of homework since the beginning of this month. If you need help with any of it, Hamuko and I can probably help you.”

Minato had been concerned about school, as a concept, but the realer fact that he was very behind on his schoolwork didn’t click until now. “Okay. Thanks.”

Then it was silent again for a while. It took exactly ten bites to finish his rice. The miso soup finished cooking by then, so he had some of that as well. He didn’t enjoy it that much, either.

His aunt turned to face Minato briefly when he pulled his chair out again, not quite sure what to say, or ask.

“Gonna go back upstairs. It’s cold,” Minato said.

“Okay.”

* * *

Hamuko slid open the door to Minato’s room. “Good morning, Minato-kun!”

Minato groaned at the noise and shrivelled up under the covers. “You’re so loud.”

“Oh, sorry ‘bout that,” she said, waiting for Minato to sit up and face her properly. “Are you gonna come down to eat?”

He shook his head. “Already ate.”

“Whoa, really? How’d you do that?” Hamuko asked.

“Woke up early,” Minato replied.

“Wow. What time?”

“Six o’ clock.”

Hamuko’s eyes bugged out for a bit. It appeared she couldn’t comprehend waking up that early of her own volition, and not because she had some school camp or trip going on. “Why?”

In lieu of answering in words, Minato just shrugged.

“Well, okay, I guess. But, you’re sure you don’t want to sit down with mum, dad and me, though?” Hamuko asked.

Minato looked off to the side. Did he want to do that? It would be less lonely than when he was with just his aunt. At the same time, he didn’t really feel like he belonged there. He didn’t feel like it yesterday, either. Would it get better if he sat with them more, or was it something that couldn’t be fixed, no matter what? “I don’t know…” he said eventually.

“Um… Okay. Is there something wrong?” Hamuko asked.

“Maybe… I’m not sure yet, though,” Minato answered. “Don’t worry about it, Hamuko-san.”

Hamuko hummed, seeming uncertain. “Okay. Then, if you don’t come down now, I guess… I’ll see you later? When I come back home from school, we can hang out and do our homework together, if you want? Mum told me I might have to help you with that.”

“Yeah, I’ll see,” Minato replied.

She sighed. This was much more difficult than she thought, trying to get along with him, but she supposed that this would probably have to do for now. “Okay. I’ll see you then!”

As Minato nodded, Hamuko closed the door.

* * *

The first time Minato tried to work on his new homework, he actually kind of liked it. It wasn’t too hard, and it gave him something to pre-occupy him that wasn’t video games or watching TV. He practised how to write some new kanji, did some math problems, and started on a book report. Minato really felt like he was doing something.

He didn’t ask for help from his aunt. Even when his parents were around, he didn’t have to ask them. This was one of his main strengths, all on his own.

His aunt came around to the lounge, where Minato was working. “Do you want something to drink, Minato-kun?” she asked.

“Um, okay.”

Minato got a cup of hot milk tea - the kind you’d get out of a sachet. He liked it.

* * *

Minato took a break to eat and watch some TV. The programs were pretty boring during the day, so instead he watched _Whisper of the Heart_ on DVD.

When he got back to doing work, he kept wondering what he wanted to do later in his life. What would his current work ultimately amount to? The main characters had some kind of dream to work towards, so surely, he would have something similar. Shizumu wanted to be a writer, and Seiji wanted to make violins, and in the end, they try to pursue those careers.

He knew how to play the piano, and how to read sheet music. Minato didn’t really gravitate to piano specifically, but he learned a lot of helpful theory from his lessons. He was also told that learning music would help with his maths, and though he wasn’t sure if that was true, he did have to use some ‘maths’ to count beats and time signatures, so maybe it was.

He was also really good at singing, or so he’d often been told. What if he learned how to play the guitar? He’d always thought electric guitars were really cool. Then, he could start a band.

As Minato thought, he knew that besides going into sports, which he was okay at, but not competitive in, he could do almost anything, as long as he put in the work to study.

What did he want to do? What kind of life would he have?

What would his parents think?

He just knew that his parents wanted him to have a good ‘work ethic’. He’d sometimes heard from his old classmates that their parents specifically wanted them to become a doctor, or a lawyer, or something like that. Then, their futures would more or less be secured. Professions like doctors and lawyers were ‘sustainable’, because people would always need them. Minato’s parents weren’t like that, however.

When Minato said that, he was told by those same classmates that he was lucky.

He didn’t want to work anymore.

* * *

“I’m home!” Hamuko called.

As she took her shoes off, her mum leaned out of the lounge to greet her. “Welcome home, Hamuko.”

She beamed back at her mum. When she glanced into the lounge, she saw Minato asleep under the kotatsu. The table had books and leaflets strewn across it. He must’ve been very hard at work. “Is Minato-kun okay?”

“Yes, he’s just taking a nap,” her mum replied.

“Lucky…”

Hinako did not mention that she heard him crying before she found him asleep, and just laughed. “How was school?”

“It was good. There’s so much homework to do, though,” Hamuko complained.

“That’s just how it is, isn’t it?” Her mum smiled wryly. “Well, if you need help, you can always ask me.”

Hamuko nodded fervently. “Thanks, mum! I’m gonna put my stuff away and get changed,” she announced. Her mum said ‘okay’ and let her trot upstairs.

When she came back, Hamuko only found Minato in the lounge, this time, awake. She could hear the kettle going off in the kitchen, so she assumed her mum was there, too.

“Welcome back, Hamuko-san,” Minato said, sounding far more tired than someone who had just finished a nap should’ve sounded.

“Thanks!” Hamuko sat down with Minato at the kotatsu. “What’d you do today?”

“Homework I missed. Watched a movie.”

“Ooh, which one?”

“ _Whisper of the Heart_ ,” Minato answered. “It’s the one where Shizumu wants to be a writer, and she likes a boy called Seiji, and he wants to make violins.”

“Oh, yeah, I remember that one, kind of. There was a cool-looking cat, I think?”

“The Baron,” he supplied.

“The Baron, right!” Hamuko exclaimed. “What made you wanna watch that one? I like _Princess Mononoke_ more.”

“That one’s cool. But, it was mostly because I didn’t remember what it was about, so I wanted to remember.”

Hamuko nodded. “I get it.”

“Hamuko-san, what do you wanna do when you grow up?” Minato asked suddenly.

She blinked owlishly at him. Hamuko guessed that he asked because of the movie, but it was a difficult question, and the kind of question that her teachers at school would ask. How would she answer that? “I dunno. I guess I wanna get a job that pays a lot? But, I’m not super smart, so I don’t know what I’d do exactly.”

“Did your mum and dad tell you to do that?”

Hamuko shook her head. “Uh-uh. I just want to help them! If I make a lot of money, then they won’t worry about me, and then they don’t have to work as hard, you know?”

“I guess so. Lawyers get paid a lot, don’t they?”

She balked a little at the thought. “Eh, yeah, I’ve heard that… But, ‘legal stuff’ seems really hard to understand, and you have to be really good at studying to do it. I dunno that I could.”

“Maybe you could, later,” Minato said.

“Maybe!” Hamuko was doubtful, but, to be fair, she hadn’t had her whole life figured out at the age of nine. “What about you, Minato-kun? What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“I guess that really is hard to know,” Hamuko agreed.

“Yeah.”

“Well, sometimes people say you should do what you like and what you’re good at. Then it doesn’t feel like you’re working as much,” Hamuko thought aloud.

“What kind of stuff do you like doing?” Minato asked.

“I mean, I like playing sports, especially like… tennis and volleyball,” Hamuko answered. “Maybe I could become a really famous tennis player or something!”

“Maybe.”

“What about you?”

Minato pursed his lips, mulling the thought over. He knew he wanted to say something related to music. That was something he was really good at, after all. But, somehow, the words felt wrong. Felt heavy. “I don’t know.”

Hamuko gave him a bewildered look. “You don’t know what you like?”

He grumbled softly. “I do, but…” Minato stared at the work on the table for a few moments. It felt wrong. It felt wrong to say what he wanted, and he didn’t know why.

“Well, you’re really good at singing, whenever we do karaoke! We can do that this new year’s, actually!” Hamuko suggested, clearly trying to cheer him up. “You wouldn’t want to be a singer, like on those talent shows?”

Minato didn’t answer, still trying to figure that ‘why’ out. Would his parents be happy if he did become a musician? He could never know. He wished he knew exactly what they wanted. Maybe then, things would be easier.

“Minato-kun, is something wrong?” Hamuko asked. Once again, she felt the pressure of these strange emotions and moods that her cousin was going through mounting, and she felt like she had to do something about it, even if she didn’t know what, or how.

He wanted to know what his parents wanted. He wanted to know what route would be best for him. He wanted to know that the work he was doing now would mean something to someone he cared about. He wanted to fit in with a family again. He wanted a great many things that he didn’t know how to articulate, and it all seemed impossible.

“Sorry. I need to be alone,” Minato said.

“I want to help,” Hamuko implored.

He shook his head and began making his way from the lounge.

“You always do this,” she said.

Minato paused, looking back at Hamuko, confused.

“This. You’re going through all this stuff, and you won’t let us help you,” Hamuko said. She stood up as well, looking her cousin right in the eyes. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, either,” Minato mumbled, and instead of a strange, incomprehensible numbness, there was one emotion, and it was _shame_.

“Yeah? Well, you’re not the only one who’s going through a hard time!” Hamuko shot back. “I want to help you. I want to make things better for you, but you keep being weird and pushing me away, and…

“Mum and dad have already got it really hard, but they’re trying their hardest, too. Do you not want us to help you?”

Minato shifted uncomfortably. He watched Hamuko’s face get even redder, and her eyes all glossy. She was upset, and it was his fault, and he didn’t know what to do about it. His chest felt heavy, and he wanted to scream, and shout, but he didn’t. “I do, but—”

“Then start acting like it!”

“I don’t know how!”

Hamuko felt red-hot, with concern and anger bubbling in the pit of her stomach. “I don’t get that! I don’t get what’s wrong with you!”

Minato took a step back, fearful, eyes stinging, and then bolted upstairs.

Hamuko was about to run up after him, but she felt rooted to the spot. She let out a cry of frustration, balled up her fists, stomped her foot on the ground.

* * *

That day, Minato learned that the thing he wanted was not to be a nuisance.


	5. Under the Covers

Hinako had stepped away to make some drinks for the three of them when she heard the shouting, and the running. When she arrived at the scene, however, all she found was Hamuko sobbing into one of the couch pillows.

“Hamuko… What happened?” she asked, kneeling down next to her daughter.

Hamuko peeked out, a single russet eye honing in on her mother, and then buried her face back into the pillow. She wanted to explain herself, but she was still shuddering, and hiccupping from her tears.

“Oh, dear…” Hinako sat down next to Hamuko and rubbed her back. “Do you want a hug?”

Hearing that, Hamuko let go of the pillow and threw herself around Hinako, her face now nestled against her shoulder. Her tears and snot soaked into Hinako’s dress, but she paid it no mind, and just held her daughter until she was ready to speak.

“It’s okay…” Hinako tried to soothe.

After a while, Hamuko stammered, “I said some really bad things to Minato-kun. I didn’t mean to say them, but…”

Of course, Hinako knew Hamuko would never _truly_ mean anything close to what she might’ve said. She was just frustrated and confused. A frustrated and confused child, a bit like Minato himself, put into an unfamiliar, and difficult situation. Hinako could sympathise. She could sympathise quite a bit. “I know, Hamuko. I know. It’ll be okay.”

“How?” Hamuko asked.

“When you’re ready, you’re going to have to apologise to him, and tell him what you told me,” Hinako instructed.

“That I didn’t mean to hurt him?”

“Mmhm. That you didn’t mean to hurt him,” Hinako agreed. “It will take a while for things to get better, but if you make that first step, it will be much easier.”

“Okay…” Hamuko replied, looking up at Hinako with glistening eyes. “I’m scared, though. He looked really upset.”

“If I check on him, and tell you how he’s feeling, will that help?”

Hamuko sniffed as she mulled it over. “I think so.”

“Alright.” Hinako kissed Hamuko’s forehead, and gently ran her fingers through Hamuko’s hair, trying to comfort her. “I’ll let you know soon, okay?”

“Thanks, mum.”

“Of course, Hamuko.”

* * *

Minato heard his aunt calling him from outside, but he was huddled under the covers of his bed, shaking and hoping to make himself as small as possible. He didn’t want to come out, and he didn’t want to answer.

“Minato-kun, I’m coming in.”

He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to talk to his aunt now, but he simply didn’t have the energy to refuse.

The door slid open, and he heard his aunt’s footsteps. It sounded like she had sat herself down at the work desk, and put something down on it.

“Minato-kun, can you hear me?”

“Yeah…” he said, albeit hoarser, and shakier than he’d meant.

“How are you feeling?”

For the first time in a while, Minato could pinpoint exactly what he was feeling, even though the words felt foreign in his mouth. “Not good.”

His aunt let out a sigh. “What happened?”

Minato swallowed hard. Instead of saying nothing because he didn’t know what to say, he knew what to say, but didn’t want to say it, and so, wanted to say nothing. Still, he had to speak. “Aunt Hinako.”

“Yes?”

It all felt easier, once he forced the first few words out. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mum and dad are gone. And now, I don’t feel normal. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I don’t know what I’m feeling, most of the time. Sometimes, I don’t even feel like I’m feeling anything at all. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. With you, and Hamuko and uncle. Or… I don’t know.

“I just wish I was with mum, and dad, but I know they’re gone, and I… I’m just causing you trouble, being here, so… I don’t know what to do…”

His aunt was silent for a while, save for her deep breaths. “Minato-kun, can I sit next to you?”

“I guess…” he answered half-heartedly. Then, he felt a weight next to him.

“When you lose something that’s important to you, you get really upset, don’t you?”

“Yeah…”

“Your parents were important to you, right?”

Minato hummed in agreement. It was hard to talk. He felt exhausted.

“Then it’s only natural to be upset. And sometimes, you get upset, but in different ways. But, that’s okay. That’s always a bit of a shock. I promise, there’s nothing wrong with you, Minato-kun,” his aunt tried to reassure.

He fell silent for a little while. He sort of understood, but not fully. “But, I am still making things hard for you, aren’t I? Even if it’s normal, that doesn’t mean it’s right.”

“Everyone makes things harder for each other, Minato-kun. But, I don’t hate Hamuko because she depends on me and dad, right?”

“Why?”

“Because I love her.”

The next question was on his tongue, but he felt afraid to say it.

Apparently sensing his line of questioning, his aunt continued, “And… I love you too. We all do.”

Minato looked to the side. He hoped that what his aunt said really was true, but had no idea how she would prove something like that. “Hamuko-san doesn’t hate me?”

“Of course not. She wants to apologise to you, and that day might not be today, but she loves you. I know it.”

He sighed, and leaned forward, resting his chin against his knees. “Okay.”

“Alright,” his aunt said. “Do you want a hug?”

Minato was silent for a moment. It didn’t feel right, his aunt asking to hug him. It wasn’t just that she wasn’t his mum - actually, he’d hugged his aunt before. Not often, but sometimes, when he hadn’t seen her in a while, or she was about to leave. No, it was about whether he needed it. Whether he deserved it or not. “I… I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. I’ll leave you be for now, but if you want me, then I can do that,” she said.

“I mean, I do, but…” Minato took a deep breath as he felt his eyes sting.

“But?”

“Is that _really_ okay? I don’t want to cause you trouble,” he said.

“Of course it is, Minato-kun,” she answered. “I just want you to feel better, and if I can help, then that helps me, too.”

He couldn’t stop himself anymore. Minato knew he was starting to cry, and he especially hated other people seeing him so helpless, but he pushed the bedsheets away anyways, and looked his aunt in the eyes. Minato awkwardly shuffled closer to his aunt, and she leaned down to wrap her arms around him. He didn’t hug her back, but it wasn’t because he didn’t want to. It was like he’d _forgotten_ how to.

His aunt was warm and comforting, but her breathing was uneven too. Shudders, here and there. The way she ran her hand through his hair was new, but he didn’t dislike it. Well, Minato wasn’t sure that he _liked_ all of this yet, but it did hit him then how much he _needed_ it. His dad would hug him all the time, even if he didn’t specifically ask, but he never minded. And if he really didn’t want a hug, his dad was okay with that. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t remember all of this until now. Had it really been that long? “Thanks, auntie.”

“Of course,” she replied, gently brushing away one of his tears with her thumb.

He just hummed back. “I think I feel better, now.”

“Okay.” His aunt let go of him, and then stood. “There’s some milk tea on your desk, if you want it,” she said.

“Okay. Thanks.”

With that, she left his room, leaving him on his lonesome. While she was gone, he crawled from his bed, and sipped a little from the cup.

* * *

Dinner was an awkward affair, Mamoru observed. Minato was usually reserved, so perhaps that wasn’t out of the ordinary, but Hamuko also seemed quieter than usual – nervous, even. She kept giving her cousin glances across the table, hoping that Minato wouldn’t notice. To her credit, he didn’t.

Minato went to his bedroom almost immediately after finishing eating, too, rather than offering to help with the dishes like he’d done the previous few nights – or at least, that was what Hinako told him. And Hamuko was all too eager to take her usual position.

Of course, Mamoru knew better than to think that things were, by any means, ‘normal’.

Hinako finally had a moment alone once the dishes were done. Once Hamuko was out of sight, she slumped into one of the nearby chairs, just taking a few breaths. Without saying a word, Mamoru took her favourite mug – it was mostly plain, but had a small design of a teddy bear painted as if with watercolours – and put the kettle on. He picked out a sachet of sweet cafe au lait, and emptied it into the mug.

“Dear, what are you doing?” Hinako asked, hearing the kettle start to sigh. “I thought you had some more work you wanted to catch up on.”

It was true. He did have more work he wanted to catch up on. “I do, but…” Mamoru shrugged. It did hurt for this to cut into his usual time, but he could allow himself to be fallible this one time, Mamoru rationalised. “Is there something going on with Minato-kun and Hamuko?”

Hinako grimaced. “I… Well, yes, but I think they’ll be okay. Hamuko said some harsh things to Minato-kun earlier,” she explained briefly. “I told her to apologise to him when she’s ready, and I also talked to Minato-kun about some things, and…” Hinako moved her hands as she spoke, hoping to muster up _something_ beyond what she’d just said, but to no avail. However, knowing her for as long as he had, Mamoru had a hunch. “Yes, things must just be a little bit awkward with them right now is all.”

“Nothing you haven’t seen before, right?” Mamoru said. He walked over to where Hinako was sitting, and placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently and rubbing circles with his thumbs. There were many knots bundled up, and so he set about smoothing them out as best he could.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Hinako repeated, like a mantra under her breath. “God, what have I done to Hamuko?” she whispered. “What have I done to Minato-kun?”

Mamoru was silent for a moment. The bubbling of the kettle filled in the space. He didn’t want to admit it aloud, which was why Hinako was saying that for both of them. She was always very good at doing that: Taking on burdens that she couldn’t handle, especially on her own. “Hina… You aren’t alone.”

“I know.” She repeated to herself, “I know…”

He knew she knew, and she was just about on the verge of tears, so Mamoru just briefly combed her dark blue hair with his fingers.

The kettle switched off with a click, and the bubbles died down. Mamoru stepped away, poured some of the hot water into Hinako’s mug, and gave it a few stirs before placing it in front of her.

“Mamoru… Don’t do this to me”, Hinako murmured, “Oh, I’m never going to be able to sleep early at this rate.” She couldn’t help but smile and laugh, even though his gesture was heart wrenching to witness. “You have to let me make you something.”

“You’ve done enough today, Hina,” he said.

Despite her protests, Hinako picked up her cup and blew into it to start cooling it down. Mamoru knew she found what he said very hard to believe. They knew this song and dance.

“I’m gonna get back to work now, alright?” Mamoru said.

“Okay. Thank you,” Hinako replied.

He gave her a final squeeze on her shoulder before leaving the kitchen. Mamoru wasn’t sure how much him saying that he was going to work was a lie. He was exhausted, too.


	6. A Perfectly Normal Christmas

Over the next few days, Minato and Hamuko didn’t really talk to each other as much. It wasn’t because neither of them wanted to, but because it still felt extremely awkward from the last time, and Hamuko wasn’t certain on how she wanted to apologise to him yet. It wouldn’t feel right to her if she continued talking to him like nothing was wrong when she hadn’t done that yet.

Plus, she was still trying to wrap her head around trying to give Minato some space. He didn’t seem upset anymore, but he was still rather quiet and withdrawn, even around her mum. Minato only interacted with the rest of Hamuko’s family as necessary – mostly for food, to tell her mum where or what he was doing, or just being polite, and answering whenever he was asked some questions. He didn’t ask them for help when it came to his homework. Though, when mum had a look at his work, it didn’t seem like he needed it all that much.

Christmas was a bit different, however. Or, at least, she was determined to make it a bit different. Christmas wasn’t a national holiday like the New Year’s celebrations, or nearly as important, but it was still supposed to be a fun occasion, even if she had to go to school on both days. On that day, she would finally apologise to him, and then they could go back to normal.

While Minato was tucked away in his room, Hamuko put glitter pen to coloured paper, and worked into the night. Or, at least, eleven thirty, which was still way past her usual bedtime.

On Christmas day, when Hamuko came back from school around noon, she found Minato watching another movie in the lounge. The table, again, was overflowing with homework material.

“I’m home!” she called.

When she poked her head into the lounge, Minato nodded at her in place of a proper response. Well, it was a start.

Hamuko went upstairs to change, grabbed the card that she had left on her desk, (she knew Minato probably wasn’t the type to peek into her room, but she still hoped that no-one saw it) and came down with her own homework. When she came back and sat down next to Minato, the table was slightly clearer, and there was a second mug atop it. He said, “Aunt said that’s for you.”

“Oh, okay!” Hamuko took the mug, looked inside – hot chocolate, with some marshmallows – and took a sip. Perfect for a cold day. “Did mum make hot chocolate for you, too?”

Minato looked confused, perhaps because she was actually trying to talk to him, but he eventually just shook his head. “Milk tea.”

“Ooh…” Hamuko looked away for a moment, very much realising that he probably thought that this was sort of awkward too, but she wasn’t sure of how to get this back on track. “You don’t like hot chocolate?”

“I like it. But, I like milk tea more,” Minato replied simply.

“Oh, cool!” Hamuko didn’t know that about Minato. “I like it too, but hot chocolate’s my favourite. I like a lot of sweet stuff.”

Minato nodded awkwardly, and Hamuko, who was mustering up the words to go on a longer rant, realised that she was getting carried away.

She let out a sigh. “Sorry, I really meant to apologise to you, but I guess I got sidetracked. I… So…” Eventually, she gave up and just held out a folded sheet of paper to him. He looked down at it, and then back up at her. “I’m sorry about all the things I said earlier, Minato-kun. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I know it made you upset. I’m gonna try really hard to not do that again and be a better cousin to you.”

Minato slowly reached out to take the paper. “Ah… It’s okay.” He pursed his lips, clearly wanting to say more. “I’m sorry too.”

“Oh, okay? What for?” Hamuko asked.

He looked away, not wanting to make eye contact as he spoke. “Being really hard to deal with,” he murmured.

Hamuko couldn’t help but deflate a little at his words. “No, it’s fine! You don’t have to say ‘sorry’ for that.”

“Why? It’s true,” he insisted.

“I mean… I guess it is. But, I don’t like it,” Hamuko replied. “It feels wrong. I don’t want you to.”

So, Minato just fell silent. Neither of them wanted to argue the point more than they already had. Eventually, he slid over a folded piece of paper over to her too, and said, “Merry Christmas.”

“Oh, yeah! Merry Christmas,” Hamuko said, perking up. “Open up your card, too!”

Minato nodded a little, and while he did that, Hamuko looked at the card that she was given. It was an A4 sheet of peach-coloured paper folded into rough thirds, and sealed with a silver star sticker. She ripped it open, and unfurled it to see some neat writing, with an array of coloured drawings in the bottom third. There were doodles of Santa Claus and reindeer in a snowy landscape, and chibi drawings of what she thought she recognised as her parents. Her dad was still in a suit, but was wearing a fake white beard and a Christmas hat, and her mum was drawn in some home clothes, and a similar hat. “Wow, you drew all of this?”

Minato didn’t answer. When she turned her attention back to him, he was still reading her card. Hamuko didn’t write all that much, though, so she was confused on why it had apparently taken him so long to do so.

“Minato-kun?”

He let out a small ‘mm?’, still rubbing his face with the side of his arm. Wait, he was crying?

“Are you okay?” she asked him. “You’re crying…” Hamuko so desperately hoped she didn’t do something wrong again.

“Y-Yeah… I’m fine. Thanks, Hamuko-san,” he said, turning to look at her properly. His eyes were definitely redder than before. “I like it. The card.”

“O-Oh. I’m glad you like it!” It was then that Hamuko remembered that she hadn’t read her card properly, yet. It said:

> _Dear Hamuko-san,_
> 
> _Thank you for trying so hard for me. It must be hard, with me being confused and upset a lot. I’m not good at saying stuff in-person, so that makes things even harder, but I like that you always want to spend time with me. I hope we get more time together in the future. Merry Christmas._
> 
> _From Minato_

Hamuko found herself sniffling a little bit. “I like your card too, Minato-kun.”

He only nodded back, but Hamuko thought that he seemed relieved.

“Still, you really drew all of this stuff at the bottom? It’s so good!” she said. “And you drew it for me! I’m not really good at drawing, so I’m really impressed!”

Minato looked at the card he was given, and then back at Hamuko, opened his mouth, and then promptly closed it. “Yeah, I drew it,” he replied eventually. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” Hamuko said.

He nodded, and then turned his attention back to the table.

“Are you having any trouble with homework?” Hamuko asked. She flipped open her writing book, turning open to the newest set of kanji she had to practise.

Minato shook his head. Hamuko had heard from her mum that he didn’t usually need it, but it sort of baffled her. After all, she was really smart, and even she needed help sometimes.

“Okay. But, if you want me to check your work after, I can probably do that!” she insisted.

He nodded back slightly. “Thanks.”

* * *

The two of them carried on for a few hours until Hamuko started complaining about her math homework. Up until then, Minato had heard her humming and making noises in frustration, but, apparently, she had been ground down enough, now.

“Can I see?” he asked.

“Huh? What do you mean? My homework?” Hamuko replied.

He nodded.

“I mean, sure, but I’m two years ahead. So, it’s probably harder than what you’re studying now,” she said, sliding her leaflets and textbook over. Still, Minato shrugged and started reading the tutorial notes as best he could, occasionally asking her about kanji he didn’t recognise yet.

While he was studying, Hamuko started doodling on another piece of paper, trying to copy the drawing of her dad that Minato made on her card. It wasn’t a very good recreation, but it was something different, so it was a good distraction, at least.

After a few minutes in relative silence, Minato spoke up again. “Hamuko-san…”

“Yeah?”

“It’s because you’re not lining the decimal points up properly. See?” He indicated where the numbers were off, and then pointed over to his example, which – Minato turned to the back of the textbook – matched the answer shown there.

Hamuko blinked owlishly, examining the equation as the little gears in her head turned. While Minato went back to his own work, Hamuko was still processing what had happened. Not only where she had made a mistake, but the fact that Minato seemed to get these concepts almost instantly, despite her being ahead of him in age.

“What!? Whoa!” she exclaimed finally. “How’d you do that!?”

Minato shrank away from her outburst. “Too loud.”

“Oh, sorry!” Hamuko backed off and smiled sheepishly. “But, yeah, how?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. I read it?”

“So smart!”

Minato narrowed his eyes, looked off to the side, and then looked back at Hamuko. Was he actually smart, or was Hamuko just…? “It’s nothing.”

“Still, it’s no wonder you don’t need help with your own homework that much,” Hamuko said, nodding seriously.

“I guess.”

At this point, Minato hoped that Hamuko would just let this go for now, and he got his wish when the front door opened, and his uncle’s voice came through. “I’m home,” he announced.

Hamuko gasped, stood, bounded up to him as he was still taking his shoes off, and gave him a big hug. “Welcome home, dad!”

“Oh, thanks, Hamuko,” he said, slowly patting her head.

Minato followed his cousin, considerably less energetic, and just edged out of the lounge doorway to see his uncle. He was haggard, and carrying something other than his suitcase in a white plastic bag. Minato said “welcome home”, and uncle nodded back at him in acknowledgement.

Hamuko finally let go of uncle, and Minato thought he looked sort of relieved. Minato would’ve also probably felt that tired if Hamuko had physically accosted him like that, too, so he didn’t blame him. “Oh, I made a Christmas card for you too, dad! I’m just gonna get it!”

“Right, right. I’ll be in the kitchen,” he replied.

While Hamuko hurried upstairs, Minato watched his uncle go into the kitchen, rubbing his temple. He looked like he was having a bad headache.

Minato remembered that he also made a Christmas card for his aunt and uncle, but he wondered when would be the best time to give it since it was addressed to both of them. While he was mulling it over, he glanced over and accidentally saw uncle kissing the back of his aunt’s head, so he looked away and blanched a little. He decided that the best time was ‘later’ and that he also didn’t want to steal Hamuko’s thunder.

Hamuko hopped back down, and beckoned Minato to follow her as she skidded by.

“Merry Christmas, dad!” She burst into the kitchen and eagerly held the card out for uncle to take.

“Thanks, Hamuko. Dad’s tired right now, so I’ll read it later. Put it on the fridge so I don’t forget,” uncle replied.

“O-Oh…” Hamuko started. "Sure thing!" She stuck the card onto the fridge with a circular red magnet.

Meanwhile, uncle ran a hand back through his hair, suddenly seeming much older than when Minato just saw him a minute ago.

“What’s in the bag?” Minato asked.

“It’s dessert for after dinner,” his aunt said, smiling.

“Ooh, like a Christmas cake?” Hamuko asked.

“That’s right,” auntie replied. “Now, would you two like to help me set the table?”

Hamuko’s eyes bulged slightly. “Whoa, dinner’s ready already?”

Minato did as his aunt asked, all the while watching the three of them, feeling sort of like he was at a zoo. Or that he was somehow inside one of the enclosures with the animals, watching out for all of these strange ‘behaviours’ that were slowly, but surely starting to click into place: Hamuko zooming around with enough energy for all four of them; his aunt mildly, but diligently keeping things together; and his uncle trying his best not to collapse then and there.

This was supposed to be his. Right now, it didn’t feel like it, but maybe, in time, it would.

* * *

At the very least, the cake was good.

The cream wasn’t too sweet, the strawberries were big and juicy, and the cake itself was extremely light and fluffy, melting as soon as it hit your tongue. They were all spending time together and talking about things that didn’t really matter, even if it was just for dinner. Hamuko was carrying quite a lot of the conversation, talking excitedly about the Gengar plushie ‘Santa’ had gotten her. Minato got some t-shirts and a pair of striped blue and green socks. Today wasn’t so bad after all, he decided.

After things had died down, his aunt and Hamuko went to watch a movie in the lounge, and Minato saw some of it, but decided that he was too tired to watch past the intro. Uncle said he’d catch up to them earlier, but Minato thought that he was taking quite a while to join them. He was writing things down in what looked like some kind of diary.

“Uncle?”

“Oh, Minato-kun. Didn’t you go on ahead with Hamuko and your aunt?”

“Yeah, I did. Got sleepy.”

“Ah, I see. Did you have a good Christmas?”

Minato nodded slowly.

“That’s good to hear. Get a good night’s sleep, alright?”

“Yeah.”

Minato went up to his room, but it was actually to get the Christmas card that he made - not to go to sleep. When he came back down, he gently put it in front of his uncle. “You can read it whenever. It’s for you and auntie. You look really tired.”

“Oh, thanks, Minato-kun. And, yeah, but I’ll be fine.”

“Mum used to say that.”

His uncle blinked owlishly at him, apparently not expecting to hear that. “She did? I guess she was pretty hard-working.” Though, maybe he wasn’t expecting to be having this conversation with Minato in the first place.

“But, I believed her more when she said it.”

Uncle – Mamoru – looked at Minato searchingly, accusingly, even, and then seemed to remember himself. “You… have a lot of nerve, saying things like that.”

“Sorry. It just came to mind.”

“Be careful, alright? Sometimes there are people who don’t like hearing the truth, even when they need to hear it. They might take out their anger on you. I’m your uncle, so it’s okay, but…” his uncle trailed off, not trying to scare him – just being matter-of-fact.

Minato thought about it, and then nodded. That explanation actually answered a lot of questions that he had about adults, and interacting with people in general. “I’ll remember.”

“Alright. Good night, Minato. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

He didn’t say ‘-kun’ at the end of his name? “No,” Minato replied eventually. “It helped, I think.”

His uncle looked at him carefully. “I’m glad, then.”

After that, Minato did his nightly rituals and went back to his room.

Just before sleeping, he took one last fond look at the card that Hamuko made him. It was a light blue A4 sheet folded into quarters, bulging ominously with thick globs of dried glue and glitter, and layers of Christmas-themed Doraemon stickers. On the back was a terrible stick figure drawing of four people. It took him a few moments to figure out that it was Hamuko, auntie, uncle and him when he first saw it. The inside had Hamuko’s scrawl written in shimmery blue glitter pen, reading:

> _Dear Minato-kun,_
> 
> _Merry Christmas! I know things are different, but I hope you have fun and that we can continue to get along. I really do want to be a better cousin to you and become even closer to you than before. I’m probably going to mess up a whole lot, but, if you’re reading this, then I think that we can get through anything! Welcome to the family, Minato-kun!_
> 
> _Love,  
>  Hamuko_

As Minato drifted off, he felt a little happy for the first time in a while.

(And relieved that he made the right choice not actually calling Hamuko a bit of an idiot to her face, earlier.)


End file.
